five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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