so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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