I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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