I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
