yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My pussy is not your playground.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
