No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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