Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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