I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
