there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
