my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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