I think I died a long time ago.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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