Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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