No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I licked your asshole in confidence.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
