What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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