I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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