how can u be prego again
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
