Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
