On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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