At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
