i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A+ Viking dick
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
