remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He kissed a someone with a penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
