New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
