I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
