The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
