New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
