I accidentally burped into my bong.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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