No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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