So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
