Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
