508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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