Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
