I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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