Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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