she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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