vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
