Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
