I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
