hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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