So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
