My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
