She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize