So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
