Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
