I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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