my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
