Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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