wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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