Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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