I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
