I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Please don't give away my fajitas
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