I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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