we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
