totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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