If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
