he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
