I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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