Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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