My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I want is dick and wine.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
