the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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