You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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