I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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