can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
