The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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