i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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