Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
