Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
