I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My life is pants optional.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
