It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
