My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
