Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
